PAINS

if i never own it, maybe i won't felt this pain of losing it..
i don't know how to describe my feelings now actually..
it's so complicated.. i don't want to talk to anyone about this..
i can't blame anyone..cause i'm the one who made this decision..
heart to heart..i've changed.. yea..
last time i thought i will change to a more cheerful girl..
but then i always fail.. i still can't control my emotions and temper everytime..
i can't stand it when some people were doing something that i don't like..
i will straight away scold that person no matter who he or she is and no matter what place we are in..
i know its a very bad habit.. but i cant control it.. i'm still learning..
and one thing that is bad about me is that i never think that i'm the one who did the wrong things..
i know this make many people hate me, angry with me or what ..
okay.. whatever..
i noticed that i type a lot of nonsense in my blog actually..
i want to waste my time here.. cause i dont want to keep thinking about something that make me down..
yea.. recently, i am suffering from heart breaks and many things that make me so so sad..
but i'm actually forcing myself not to show up my emotions whenever i go out..
i know its stupid .. i can just tell anyone and share with them. but i don't know how to start..
so i chose to face it by myself..
i keep telling myself that i will be okay.. i will grow stronger after this..
i know it is a hard time for me now.. and maybe ..just maybe one day when i cant stand it.. i'll do stupid things.. i don't know.. its not under my control..
haiz.. wish all the best for me ..

yeah.. blogger is always my best listener..

huu~~~ 

feel so speechless at home. How cant they understand the way i feel? i don't like anyone to control me. I just want to do something i like, at least give me some freedom to choose what i like. I also don't want to feel regret of what i choose now, but did you all given me any choices?

yea.. everytime just reject what i said. okay fine. You are happy, yea, u did successfully control me. congratulations! I know i'm not able and i don't have the right to say anything . so i'm telling my best friends--blogger. 

I'm 17 and almost 18. I'm not a child or a kid anymore ok? you can't forever lock me here.

I'm wasting my time here, u know and u saw that. i keep playing games on facebook or any website. It is very stupid to do that everyday in front of the computer.I hate it very much. However i have to do this , because there is nothing to say between us. oh, i'm wrong. It is that i can't even speak a word because i'm always the one who has to listen and follow whatever you want.

yea, right now i'm doing what you want to. i know you are happy with it.

sorry, i can't act like i'm very happy in front of you. i'm not used to wear a mask or showing fake smile when i'm angry or sad. i'm not that kind of person that will talk a lot of sweet and warming things to make you happy. 

yea.. that is all for today 

last day of spm.. not much feeling haha
bye smk kepong baru.. i will visit you again when i go back and take my result haha

hey everyone!! i'm back again! haha long never post anything, suddenly become so speechless..
erm.. goodluck to everyone who taking chinese paper next monday ! go go go fight for chinese!!
i know i'm so lame now.. haha just trying to squeeze my brain and vomit some words out haha
where should i go after spm? i really got  no idea. i think everything must depends on my results. if get good result then can choose what course i want to. but if my result very bad, then no school wanna accept me, then i really dont know what to do haha oh god! please help me
haiz.. miss all my friends.. really have to leave the school already .. never mind ..we will meet each other again.. dont say as it is like the end of day.. next time when we can drive, then we go visit each other lo.. haha okay .. dont know what to say about already.. goodbye and goodluck

left my blog alone  for a quite a long time haha...
yea yea yea.. its holiday..
lets forget about our results and have some fun!!
haha...
feel like remove my blog.. i'm lazy to publish any new post ..

i feel so uncomfortable today.. my eyes are tired ...my stomach is pain.. i don't realize that i'm getting ill.. just now i measure my body temperature then only i know that i got fever .. omg...
i think i'm not going to have a sweet dreams or rest tonight.. my neighbourhood gonna set a lot of fireworks tonight.. huuuu~~~
good luck to myself!

huuu~
finally i decide to type a long post today.
actually i got a lot things to say, but i'm just keep inside my heart few weeks ago.
i'm still wondering why i do that to myself hahaha.
it's better to say it out right?
okay...

er.. to one of my friend :
i think you won't know that i'm talking to you now ( cause i'm not gonna say who it is haha)
okay.. just call you "E" in my blog..
E, i heard bad news about you from somebody..
i'm so sorry for that.. sorry for all the misunderstanding..
so, from now on, i'll look after you..
you can be safe if i'm around haha
i'm sorry that i can't tell you the truth
cause there are so many reasons that don't allow me to tell you
everything that i do are good for you
sometimes i wish that you can really listen to what i say
you are not a child anymore
be mature, my friend..
i can't take care of you after we graduate
i know you can be strong and tough..
but you keep thinking that you can't
sometimes i become really angry because of your attitude
but after a while, i realize that i can't force you
you are really different if compare with me
sometimes i don't really pay attention to your story
cause i though you can handle it well
i thought everything could be fine
but i'm wrong..
you can't forget everything that happened in your life..
i'm sorry to say that you are stubborn
you keep thinking the past and make things more complicated
why don't you let it go?
i don't understand what are you thinking and how do you feel
okay..
i'm not angry or mad at you now
just telling you how i feel about you in this year
hope everything can turn better after this holiday

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!!
i went back to Raub, Pahang last sunday. haha. quite fun at the first 2 days then after that...all boring haha
snap some pics...haha.. i was like a crazy person everyday.. run run run jump jump jump everywhere haha
my skin became dark haha. never mind. its just once in a year haha
hope you enjoy the dragon year haha

first day of dragon year

my nephew is so curious about the things on the table haha

woooohhoooooo~~~ the beginning of a new dragon year!

my uncle is decorating the house

cute little nephew

he smile hahaha.. so cute!!

cute little niece

i think she will become very beautiful when she grow up

cute.. 2 kids hugging

3 crazy children hahaha

haha.. i don't know why she show me that face haha

she force me open the drinks for her

my grandma house..a lot of people

nephew from korea with my dad haha

he like to show that face when taking photos

my niece birthday =)

crazy father and her daughter haha

fireworks

lou shang

haha.. don't know why she look like that haha

niece from korea

she is torturing me!!!

my cousin's daughter

sweet family

at my dad's farm again...

haha.relatives from korea haha.. i'm in the car at the back haha

my dad with uncle

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!! did some biscuit at home..if i have extras then i bring to school and share with you all hahaha

i made a cloth for this little bear. is it nice ? hahaha